On Tuesday, Emma came to play while Sarah took Izzie to the doctor. She and Andrew had great fun playing with Little People and watching Dora. I have to admit it was weird having just one of the girls though. It was quiet... too quiet! It was almost like Emma and Andrew didn't quite know what to do without Izzie. They just stood around until I coerced them into Andrew's room where they finally settled on a Noah's Ark toy. Although Izzie is the youngest of the three, she is much more outgoing than Emma and rarely takes any crap from Andrew. She is never afraid to get the party started and dig into the toys! When they are all three here together there is constant chatter, laughter, messes and silliness! Pure Bliss!
On Wednesday afternoon upon returning home from picking Hannah and Ethan up from school I was greeted at the door by Kris's mom. She had come straight from work to spend the afternoon with us then watched the kids for the evening so Kris and I could go out on a "date".....ALONE! It was so needed and much appreciated! We went to Uncle Julio's for dinner. It was yummy! I had a peach margarita and chicken enchiladas. After that we made a quick trip over to the Shops at Willow Bend and then on to Baskin Robbins for dessert. We were home before 9pm and Hannah and Ethan were waiting in their beds to be tucked in and Andrew was chompin' at the bit for some Mommy time!
Friday was kind of a yucky day. It would have marked Brendan's and my 10 year wedding anniversary. Yes, there have been several anniversaries pass since he died but this one was especially hard and I'm not sure why. Even though life has gone on it still, in may ways, seems like it happened yesterday. 5 years later and I still have panic attacks, flashbacks and even regret. I regret that my children will never know what an amazing man their Dad was. His silliness, his sincerity, his compassion, his loyalty to his family. His love of loud music, washing his truck, staying up late, sleeping in, reeses peanut butter cups and red vines. I regret that there wasn't more time to prepare ourselves for what was to come. I regret that we didn't get to say all that we wanted to say to one another. I regret that Hannah and Ethan didn't get the chance to see him just one more time. Everyone always says that it will get "easier" with time, which I guess in some ways is true. But as time passes some things become harder. Memories begin to fade. Things that I desperately don't want to forget are becoming harder to remember. The ridiculous lyrics he would make up to a song to replace the real ones, his silly nicknames for the kids, his temper, the sound of his voice. I am still just sad. Sometimes I wonder if someone can really ever get over something like this and be truly happy again. While I am so thankful for the new blessings in my life sometimes I just feel like I am living someone else's life and that is hard. I want to feel like me again.
Well Saturday has now turned into Sunday. Time to go prepare for the week ahead and hopefully enjoy a quiet afternoon. Maybe I'll even prepare a Not Me! Monday post....wait for it.....