Back to the grind

Back to work. Back to school.  Back to the same old same old.  Normally, I would be thanking my lucky stars that the kids are back to school after a long weekend off so I can get back to my "routine".  However, on the way home from a great Memorial Day celebration at my mom's I realized I am definitely looking forward to getting out of my routine! Gasp! Did I just type that I wanted out of my routine? Oh, the horror!  Yes, even I, who thrives on schedules needs a change, pronto.  In the last couple of months (probably closer to a year if I am going to be completely honest here) I have been feeling really down and out of sorts.  More so than any other time in my life (and there have been some hellacious one's).  I love and adore my kids more than I ever thought imaginable.  I also love and appreciate that I have the privilege and opportunity to be a stay at home mom.  I am so grateful that Kris works hard so I am able to stay home with the kids but with his job in Sales comes odd hours and a 6 day work week.  So, most of the time it is just me and the kids.  I am so worn out.  Physically, emotionally and mentally.  I feel like I have nothing left in me most of the time.  Certainly nothing positive to offer my children.  I feel like a zombie just trying to get through the day.  I find myself wanting to fall asleep while I play with Andrew and losing my patience at ridiculous things then feeling like a horrible mother afterwards.  I have taken to counting down the hours to bedtime rather than just enjoying my babies.  I am so overwhelmed and I hate this.  I love being a Mom so why don't I love it right now?  This is not me.  I don't feel like me.  What is "me" anyway?  I'm not sure anymore, really.  Everything in my life revolves around my children, and I am alright with this for the most part.  And, while yes, this is the life I chose,  I miss "me".  Being a stay at home mom is my "job".  The most important job I will ever have.  This job has immeasurable perks and rewards.  This job has better benefits than any company out there.  This job, unlike any other, gives you more in return than you ever put in.  This job pays more than any other, just in a different currency.  Hugs and kisses are worth more than any amount of money there is.  But, with all of these perks there is a negative.  The hours.  While most jobs out there offer sick time, days off, and 8 hour shifts, this job doesn't. This job is a 24 hour a day/7 day a week job.  I don't get a day off, or to stay in bed if I don't feel well.  While I haven't for a second regretted my decision to take on this job,  I do miss having a day (or even a few hours) off.  I miss going places alone.  I miss my friends and Girl's Night Out.  I miss my family and just packing up the car to spend the weekend with my Dad.  I just miss life.  Mom's Night Out is coming up.  I probably won't make it..... again.  My precious curly haired niece is having her first dance recital.  I will probably miss it.  My youngest brother is graduating from high school.  I really want to be there.   I am just sad.   There's got to be a balance.  I need balance. So, as summer approaches I am hopeful that I will find some sort of balance and once again be able to love being a Mom.

I will leave you with some photos from our Memorial Day at my mom's.

Have a great week everyone!

We go together

Some things just seem to fit together perfectly.  Just take for example, peanut butter & jelly,  bread & butter,  bacon & eggs,  peas & carrots,  Ben & Jerry, and my personal favorites:

boy & dog

girls & chocolate

boys & the outdoors

me & babies

 peace & quiet

  

However, there are also things that don't go well together.  In fact, no matter how hard you try it is just physically impossible for them to ever live in harmony.  Some examples; water & oil, fire & water, pickles & ice cream, cats & baths and my personal favorites:

Andrew's face & the fireplace

Andrew's mouth & the floor

Hannah & makeup

Andrew & the potty

Andrew & clothes

Have a great weekend everyone!

Not Me! Monday ....... returns!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not vow to stop doing Not Me! Monday until Stellan (and MckMama of course) returned home safe and sound.  Okay, well, yes I did.  It just wouldn't be the same without them!  Welcome home!!!!

I did not have to clean up a fragrant mixture of garlic powder, cinnamon and baking soda out of the toaster and off of the counter tops, not once but twice after Andrew found the spice cabinet.  He is not discovering the the spice cabinet as a result of me taping the water faucet down so he can't turn it on.  He did not climb up onto the counter yet again to play in the sink, find it taped and scoot to the other end of the counter to find a cabinet full of fun!  

I am not reevaluating my decision in taping that faucet, trying to decide what drives me the least insane, a countertop full of seasonings or a clothed toddler in the kitchen sink.  

We did not have our house SEARCHED by the Lewisville Police Department!  There would have been no reason for this.  I mean,  our house wasn't broken into.  We aren't harboring a fugitive.  I didn't cause a kitchen fire.... really.  Andrew certainly DID NOT PRESS THE PANIC BUTTON on our alarm keypad!!!!!!!!  If this had happened I would have to tell you that Lewisville PD's response time leaves much to be desired when they show up 30 minutes after a panic alarm.  Not that I would know or anything!

I did not record Yo Gabba Gabba the other day just because Jack Black was on it.  I am not slightly obsessed with him, nor do I think he is hilarious and has mad skills when it comes to dancing!

The faucet of our kitchen sink did not break completely off while I was using the sink giving me a shower and completely soaking me and most of the kitchen!  I most certainly did not forget that it was broken and proceed to turn it on again!  A change of clothes was not required nor was a wipe down of the kitchen table, walls and floor!!

Since I was not just a little glad that faucet in the kitchen broke beyond repair,  I certainly wasn't happy that I had to go to Lowe's and pick out a shiny new one.  Oh, and I did not get a whole new kitchen sink while we were there - I love my mustard yellow, porcelain sink too much to ever part with it!

Before (ignore my sink full of "dishes"!) 

After

I was not more than a little perturbed on Friday when I went to pick up the big kids from school and discovered that our district did, in fact, decide to close ALL schools until May 11th thanks to the Swine Flu "outbreak".  Although, I'm still not quite sure how 700 cases worldwide is considered an outbreak when thousands more than that the die every year from the regular Flu and it's not considered a "pandemic. Whatever!

Have a wonderful week everyone!!  I certainly will ;)

Let's hear it for the Boy!!

Before

So, it's official.  Andrew has given up his pacifier..... with some gentle pushing.  I have to admit that he used it much longer than the other two and I had NO desire to take it away.  I knew it was going to be hard.  I knew he would fuss and whine and cry and I honestly wasn't sure I could handle it.  I have felt more than a little overwhelmed lately so thrusting myself into the pit of paci withdrawal was not on my top 10 list of things to try that week! 

  Hannah only took hers until she was about 5 months old and gave it up on her own after a cold prevented her from being able to suck and breathe at the same time!!  She never wanted it back. Okay, that was EASY.  

  Ethan was much more attached to his "pootie" (don't ask..... his dad called it that once and it stuck) and he could usually be found with one in his mouth and one in each hand.  But he, like his sister,  decided on his own at around 18 months that he was done.  And so he was.  EASY

Andrew, oh Andrew.  So far, in my experience with Andrew I have come to realize that he doesn't do "easy".   He is extremely stubborn, persistent, and doesn't take "no" for an answer.  So why should I assume this would be any different?   

A couple of months age he began chewing holes in the pacifiers and Kris told him that after all of the paci's in the house were gone we were not buying anymore.  Andrew didn't really react to this declaration, as I'm quite sure he had no idea what his Dad was telling him. But I, on the other hand, was fuh-reakin' out on the inside.  I had already tried asking Andrew if we could throw his paci's away or give them to a baby that needed them and he was NOT down with that.  If he didn't know where one was at all times he would whimper like a little puppy so I had a pretty good idea what I was in for when that last paci got lost, chewed up or left somewhere.  NO. THANK. YOU.

But, last week my little boy did something that I have been waiting for him to do for well over a year.  He talked.  I mean more than his usual 10 word vacabulary.  He was repeating every word he heard and was asking for things by name.  It was music to my ears and it was then that I realized that it was time.   I wanted us to be able to go somewhere without having to hunt for a paci before we could leave the house.  I was sick of having to pick paci's up off of the floor at the grocery store and out from under the table at restaurants.  I was tired of being a slave to a pacifier!  

So, last Thursday morning I pumped myself up for what torture was to come. I had it all planned out in my head.  Every time he put one down I would secretly come right behind him and pick it up and put it in a secret location the cabinet.  Eventually, putting away the last pacifier.  So, I set my plan into motion.  By noon I had put away 7, yes SEVEN, pacifiers.  By 1:oo the last paci had been put away ..... and he definitely noticed.  He was looking under things, in things and around thing in hopes of finding a straggler.  I was scared because it was nearing time to go pick up Hannah and Ethan and car rides equalled paci time for Andrew.  I was dreading 3:00!  But it came anyway and to my surprise he was fine.  He took his juice with him and eventually fell asleep!!  Afternoon came and went with only a couple of whimpers and a brief rummage through the trashcan in a desperate search for a paci.  He kept coming to me pointing at his mouth (his way of asking for one) and I told him that I didn't know where any were and he would walk off.  At bedtime he looked a little anxious so I layed on the floor next to his bed and he was out within 2 minutes. Every day since has been a breeze.  He has completely stopped asking and looking for one.  It has been wonderful and feels so feeing to be able to go places without "it"  I love seeing Andrew's whole face and seeing his little mouth move when he says all of his new words!  And I have to admit, it was EASY!!!

After

¿Usted habla español?

Do you all remember my post back in January about Andrew's speech.... or lack there of? Well, as it turns out he can speak..... SPANISH!! I know, I know, the kid won't even speak English so who on earth would believe that he could speak Spanish?  I know I certainly couldn't... until I had him repeat it several times.  See,  we have this rather obnoxious maraca that sings numbers and colors in either English or Spanish to some really great mariachi sounding music.  It got flipped to "spanish" a couple of weeks ago and after hearing it so often I had the song in my head.   You know the one,  "uno", bum badumpump, "dos" ,bum badumpump, "tres", bum badumpump, "quatro"......and so on, and on.....and on.  So, it's in my head and unconciously I sang "uno", to which Andrew responded "dos".  Huh?  So I said "dos" and he responded "tres" (although a little harder to understand that "dos") He did this all the way to "quatro".   We repeated this sequence several times and he responded the same each time so I determined that it wasn't a coincidence.  Okay, what's going on?

 I have been working my tail off to teach this kid how to count in English (heck, I have been working my tail off to get him to say anything) and he learns to count in SPANISH from a flippin' MARACA!  After feeling a little inadequate I decided that I was just ecstatic that he is, indeed, talking.  In the last week he has said so many new words and is repeating EVERYTHING!  This is a huge accomplishment.  It had been over 18 months since we had heard Andrew utter a new word so this week it has been sort of like hearing his first words all over again.  It is wonderful!  Especially after the news we received a couple of weeks ago.  The Speech Therapist that evaluated Andrew let us know that our insurance had denied therapy for him because his delay is not due to injury or illness.   To say that I was devastated is an understatement.  After the shock and helplessness wore off I immediately began looking at other options for him, but it appears that there is not a lot that can be done for him elsewhere until he is 3 (although I am still holding out hope as I wait to hear back from the school district).  So we have been waiting.  In the meantime he has had a language explosion!  Praise the Lord.  I am so thrilled to talk with my little man, even if it is in Spanish!!

Swing me, Daddy!!!

  So, after a lot of nagging, Kris finally put Andrew's swing up in the front yard.  I had a feeling that Andrew would like it but I had no idea it would be this much!  

  Andrew and Kris have developed a cute little routine.  Everyday when Kris gets home from work he asks Andrew if he wants to go check the mail.  Andrew stops whatever he is doing and runs to the front door.  It has now become so routine that Kris doesn't even have to ask him to go anymore.  In fact,  the other day I had Andrew in the bathtub when Kris came home.  Well, faster than I could realize what was happening, Andrew was out of the tub running naked and dripping wet to the front door to check the mail!  So back to the story;  after they check the mail Andrew runs up to the flower bed near the front door and sits on the pavers and taps on the spot next to him so Kris will sit beside him.  They sit for a couple of minutes then come in the house...... sometimes willingly, sometimes not. 

  Well, since the swings arrival the trips to the mailbox have taken a detour to the swing.  As soon as the door is opened rather than heading to get the mail, Andrew makes a b-line for the swing.  So they swing.  I can usually hear Andrew laughing all the way in the house.  In true Andrew fashion he prefers to go high and fast, all the while squealing in enjoyment!  If the swing slows too much he will instruct Kris "more, more".  After a while in the swing they get the mail.  Then, Andrew runs to the flower bed and has Kris sit next to him.  They sit for a couple of minutes then come in the house...... sometimes willingly, sometimes not.

Swing Install:

Kris fulfilling one of his fatherly duties -  risking his life in attempts to make a certain toddler happy!

Andrew's first time in the swing.

Wordless Wednesday!

Kinda gives "riding Bareback" a whole new meaning don't you think??